I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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