Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
