Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize