Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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