Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
