I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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