Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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