alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
