hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
