You're my little dorito
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
