I love black thongs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
