I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
