highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I supernannyed him into submission
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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