just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
