I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is glitter all over my balls
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