I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
