I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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