you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
