how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The Olympian is in my bed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
