Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
