You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
