what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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