NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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