I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everclear isn't food dammit
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
