you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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