I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nutella sex= disaster
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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