Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize