How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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