Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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