i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
