kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
