I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
