yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
