Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
