Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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