I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
