thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
