i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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