my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
