It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
