My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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