Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
