She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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