i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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