I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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