i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
