That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
