I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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