I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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