my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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