Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
