i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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