peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
