so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
