Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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