I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
