they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
