he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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