a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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