why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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