Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
