Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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