The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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