i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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