just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
