frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
