I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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