Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
