So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
