Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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