oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
