I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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