Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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