I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
