How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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