im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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