I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
